Change of direction

So a recent event has turned my whole surrogacy journey upside down. I was supposed to go to New Orleans yesterday to meet the IM and do medical screening but I had to make a choice, a very hard choice, and I didn't go. This is what happened:

The Saturday before (I was supposed to leave Monday) my brother in law came over for dinner. He lives in CO and we haven't seen him or my sister in law for a while due to distance. But he was in town for a conference so came over. He and my SIL have been trying to have a baby but were having difficulties. I knew their last IVF transfer was not a success but was under the impression that they were done trying. I had not told them that I was moving forward with surrogacy because I knew it was going to be hard for my husband and SILs parents to accept so we decided not to tell his family till it was "real". Well, over the course of the afternoon he shared with us that they had in fact gone through retrieval again and have 6 viable embryos. I was so excited for them that I went ahead and spilled the news that I was going to meet with my IM in two days and do the medical screening. He congratulated me and we had a nice evening. Well around 10:30 that night my husband gets a call from his sister and it turns out that the main reason my BIL was coming over was to ask us to be thir surrogate. He decided not to ask when I told him we were already in the process but she really wanted this and wanted to see if there was any way we would reconsider. So needless to say I got no sleep that night. I had to decide in one day, that Sunday what I would do. I had not done contracts with the other couple or met them in person but I did feel a connection to them and did not want to let them down. I chose to be a surrogate to bring joy into the world, to help a couple achieve their dream of having a baby. I never ever wanted to hurt anyone. Now I was being forced into that situation. No matter what I did, someone was getting hurt. So my husband and I had some really long talks and we both had really long talks with his sister and ultimately I had to choose family. I wrote the other couple a letter explaining my decision as best I could and begged for forgiveness. It was never my intent to hurt them and I feel terrible about it. But I just couldn't say no to family. It would be my niece or nephew I would be helping enter the world. Though I am terribly sorry for the other couple I feel confidant that the agency will find a new surrogate for them and that a beautiful baby is in their future. I am at peace with my decision. More details to come:)

Finally progress

So we finally have a date set for me to fly to New Orleans for my medical evaluation. I fly out and the appointment is on Monday October 28th. So excited!  I think they are doing a mock cycle too. I'll update again the day of the appointment. 

Check 1 off the list

Pete and I had our psychological exam today.  We meet with the doctor, who was very nice and easy to talk to, this morning. It was a two part exam. The first part was Pete and I together talking with the dr about various issues with surrogacy and ourselves. The second part was a personality test that was 567 T/F questions. 

The doctor didn't ask any surprising questions or bring up anything that we hadn't thought of with surrogacy.  So that part of the exam was pretty easy. She basically hit on all the hard what if scenarios and worst case scenarios to see if we had thought about those possibilities and then asked a few questions about Pete and I like our reasons for wanting to do this, family dynamics, medical history, things like that. She gave us her seal of approval and said she would email my coordinator. 

The second part, the pencil and paper exam, was easy just tedious. Pete didn't have to do this part just me.  I'm pretty sure I did fine, I don't hear voices or think any one is out to get me or anything (which is what a lot of the questions were about)  I think it will be fine.  I can call her next Tuesday for the official results. 

So I can now check one item off the list of things that have to happen before we actually get started. Next is the medical examination. I just talked to Julie, my coordinator, and though she has sent all my info to the fertility clinic my IPs are using she hasn't heard back from them yet.  She said she would call tomorrow to see when we can get the medical eval done. So il will be waiting, as patiently as I can, to hear from her about when we can schedule the appointment.  

This is so exciting, I'm ready to check the next item off the list! 

A match is made

I just heard from my coordinator that my couple likes me as much as I like them!!!  So she said they are going through some paperwork now then I guess it's on to contracts and psychological and medical tests. But I am sooo excited!!!  I really loved them when I skyped with them and feel so lucky we found each other. I can't wait to move forward!

Possible match

So I just got off the phone with the coordinator and she is setting up a Skype meeting with a possible couple. I haven't talked with the intended mom yet so I am not going to give any information about her but everything sounds great so far. I "meet" her on Friday so I'm praying she likes me and I like her and we can move forward together in this process😄

Step 1

So the first thing I did was to look up open arms and fill out their brief application. Once that was sent, Heather, their intake coordinator, emailed me a much more lengthy application to fill out. It asked me different medical history questions, family medical history, and some psychological questions like my philosophy in life and what my goals are. It also asked what types of people I would be willing to help, single parent, couples who already have children, gay, married, etc. I submitted my insurance information for them to look up and see if any coverage is offered.  I also signed a medical release form so they can get medical records from my OB. 

They use this more lengthy application not only to make sure I am still a good candidate but also to build a profile to show to IPs they are trying to help. 

I got confirmation from Heather that everything looked great and we moved to the next step.  She sent me an agreement of intent to get signed and notarized basically listing what I would be agreeing to working with them and what financial compensation would be. This is not the actual surrogacy contract. I can still back at at this point at any time up until medical procedures actually start. It's just as it says, I am intending to do this and this is what I am agreeing to. 

So now that this part is done we move to the next step which is kind of like a matchmaker service. Nella, the person who matches IPs and surrogates will make a profile about me and show different IPs she is trying to help. If they like me and want to work with me she will then submit their profile to me. I get to review it and see how I feel about them. Once I find the "right" couple then we met to see if we truly do click and want to go through this process together. Depending on where they live it might be Skype calls or actually meeting face to face. Once we have found that couple who we want to help and we want to go through this with then we move on to the next stage of medical exams, contracts, and psychological exams. 

So I still have a ways to go before this becomes real but I am so excited to be taken my first steps towards being a surrogate. 

I can't wait till I get to see a profile. I pray that we find a truly good couple that we can help. 

I'll post again once anything new happens. 

Before I begin

Before I start to chronicle this experience I want to talk a little about what surrogacy is and why I chose to do this.

Being a surrogate is something I have thought a lot about for a long time.  It is not something that I have rushed into.  When I was a younger adult, like most young adult women, and I wasn't ready for children I spent my time worrying about not becoming pregnant.  I did not think about whether or not I would actually be able to become pregnant.  Thankfully, when my husband and I were ready we were able to have children without any problem.  In fact both times we decided to have children we become pregnant within a month of trying.  I now have two beautiful perfect children and I can not imagine my life without them.  

Now that we feel our family is complete I began thinking of how much I took being able to be pregnant and have children for granted.  I was talking to my sister one day about her future ability to have children and that I would happily help either one of my sisters if they ever needed me.  She said to me that while they were not at that point in their lives, if I really wanted to help someone I should look into being a surrogate.  It was like a lightbulb moment.  I am in a position in my life right now that I could help a couple to have their dream of having a baby.  

So that led me into researching surrogacy.  I found that I am an ideal candidate.  I am young, I fit all the requirements, and I have been able to easily become pregnant and have given birth to two beautiful children with no complication. So I started reading blogs, talking to women who have gone through the process, talked to some family members, and most importantly talked in length with my husband. Now I feel after all the research and sitting with this decision for so long I am ready to take the first steps. 

About two weeks ago I called Open Arms, a surrogacy consultant agency, and filled out the application and started the process.  I will talk more about that in my next post but the first step has been taken. 

Now, what is surrogacy exactly?

I will be a gestational surrogate.  That means I will be carrying someone else's baby.  THIS BABY WILL NOT BE RELATED TO ME IN ANY WAY.  I want to stress this fact because I know for some of my family, my being a surrogate will be hard to understand and come to terms with. But this baby will not have my DNA, nor my husbands. Depending on the IPs (intended parents) I am eventually matched with and agree to help, it will be their DNA or DNA from a donor egg.  That will depend on what their fertility issues are but in no way will my DNA or my blood or anything from me ever be used in any way with the baby I will be carrying. So for anyone who asks how I can give away my baby or anything along those lines, this will not be my baby.  I am merely a gestational babysitter.

I know there are couples out there who want nothing more in their life than to hold their own baby in their arms.  Having my two children now, I can not imagine my life without them. I can only imagine the lengths I would go through to have them if I had had trouble conceiving. I would pray for someone to help me.  I hope to be the answer to that prayer for someone else.  

This will be a labor of love. 

I will be helping someone to create a family.

And I feel so blessed and thankful that I will be able to do this.

So I hope this helps answers questions as to why I chose this path.  

I am truly grateful for the life I have and hope that I can make someone else's life better. 

Ultimately I hope that I can make a difference in someone else's life.  I hope that I can give a happy, healthy baby to parents who want that baby more than anything else in the world. 

I also hope this will be a positive uplifting experience for my own little family. I thank them so much.  Without the love and support of my husband and children this would not be possible. I love and thank them so much, as well as the rest of my family and friends who I know will support me throughout this experience.