Gingerale and crackers

Week 6 has proven to be quite a big week for me. The pregnancy symptoms have set!!! We will be finishing the week with our first ultrasound which is very exciting but also super stressful. So let me break down what is going on. First let me say that I am not complaining. I feel like I say that a lot but its true. Having been pregnant twice already with my own kids I had no delusions about the pregnancy process. I went into this knowing full well what I would be experiencing. With that being said, the 1st trimester SUCKS!!!! It sucks for so many reasons both physically and mentally. Lets start with the mental part. I am a worrisome person. I worry about everything. I remember being pregnant with my kids and having these same worries. I thought since this isn't my baby maybe I would worry less but that has proven to be untrue. I think I worry just the same but for different reasons. I worry that something will go wrong and I will hurt A&A. I don't want them to be disappointed or be hurt. I want so badly for this to work for them the first time. So after the transfer I worried that the embryos didn't stick. I spent probably $50 in home pregnancy tests reassuring myself that it worked and we got that confirmation with the BETAs. Our first BETA at 12dp5dt was 344 and our second at 14dp5dt was 911. These are very good, very strong numbers indicating that we were in fact pregnant and the baby (or babies) are doing great. Well after those BETAs we now have had to wait another 2 weeks before the ultrasound. So I have had two weeks to worry that something has gone wrong. I am still taking HPTs to reassure myself that I am in fact still pregnant but that worry will be there until Friday when we do the ultrasound and find out for sure that there is a little heartbeat in there. I never had to go through the heartache of going to the doctor and not seeing a heartbeat when there should be and I am so scared that I will have failed them if that happens. But really there is no reason for me to think that anything like that would happen. All the signs are pointing in the direction of me being pregnant and I shouldn't be worrying myself unnecessarily but I can't help it. The first trimester is known as the danger zone because that is where most miscarriages happen. The sooner we are in the safe zone the better. I am so ready for Friday to get confirmation that all is ok. Now for the physical, because not only do you worry more during the first trimester, you suffer more too. So I was having some very mild symptoms before but it is full blown now. The nausea has set in this week. I am waking up and starting my day with gingerale and crackers everyday. I can't think of any food that sounds good to me. In fact, most foods that I think of make me want to throw up. I am super tired all the time. There are points in the day that I just don't think I am going to make it without going to take a nap. Luckily for me, Bryan still takes a nap and Eliza is understanding so if I can just make it to Bryan's nap time then I get some relief. Unfortunately, my body is not always tired at night which makes me unable to fall asleep when I should. So I am sooo tired during the day but can't sleep at night. My body's internal thermostat is also broken. At least that is what my husband always jokes and says. This happened with my own pregnancies too. I just can't seem to regulate my body temperature. While everybody else is comfortable I could be freezing or sweating. Most of the time I will be so cold I have to put on pants, socks, and cover in a blanket. Next up is that I am dizzy much more often. If I try to stand up quickly I can only take a couple of steps before everything goes fuzzy and I have to stop till it clears. I looked this up and it says that my body has not adjusted to the extra blood flow needed for the growing embryo and it is pretty common. Then last is that my boobs are bigger and very sore. So I think I covered all the symptoms and because I am experiencing all of these it should put my mind at ease that the pregnancy is moving right along as it should because this is pretty textbook for the first trimester. For all the reasons above, I can't wait till the second trimester starts! All these symptoms will dissipate and I won't worry so much that something is wrong. Being that I am 6 weeks 4 days right now I have a ways to go though. So just concentrating on the ultrasound Friday, praying to see one or two strong heartbeats!

An emotional but happy day

So two big things happened today. 1- My not so baby girl started her first day of Kindergarten today! She was very excited and she looked so cute when she left for school. My husband took her in and walked her to class for the first day and I picked her up. She had a great day, like I knew she would. Before she left I told her to remember three things that she did so she could tell me when I picked her up. So when I got her in the car she said "Mommy I did shapes, went to the playground, and got water. You told me to remember 3 things so I did." I got her to elaborate more later but those were the three things that stuck out to her. 2- My 2 week wait is over! My son and I went to the outpatient lab first thing this morning for the BETA bloodtest. It was just a simple blood draw and we didn't have to wait long. Before I left I asked when I should expect my clinic to get the results and they said within this hour, this was at 9am. So I wait all day, my IM and I are texting each other, no results. Finally we both can't take it anymore and we call the clinic and the nurse ends us having to call the hospital. They did this to us the last time I had to get blood work done. They said they didn't have a release form even though our nurse sent it like 10 times! Anyway, after some back and forth they finally gave her the results. 344!!! That is a good healthy number and it means we are PREGNANT!!! I am so happy for my IPs! This has been a long journey and I am so happy my body and their embryos decided to work together to make this miracle happen. It makes everything we have been through, all the shots, the traveling, the waiting, all worth it. The nurse ended up telling my IM which kind of upset me because I wanted to be the one to give her the good news. I had planned to have flowers sent to her work with the BETA number on the card but that went out the window when the hospital took so long to give us the results. But I still would have liked to have been the one to tell her. But in the long run all that matters is that it was good news so I can't be too upset. Now I go back on Thursday for the second BETA to make sure the numbers are rising like they should and then in two week we will have the ultrasound to confirm heartbeat. With every step we take the stakes get higher and higher. It is such a relief to get each thing done but now with each milestone it is literally life and death. Either the beta will go up or the pregnancy is in trouble. Either the heartbeat shows up or it is over. It is such high stakes. Sorry I don't want to end on a down note. I am very excited and happy and I will continue to trust my body to take care of this baby and that we will have all good news for the rest of this pregnancy! Its so exciting to think I am pregnant. Just one more thing, after I talked to my IM I called Eliza into the room. I told her that we got good news and that the baby they put in my tummy is doing good and decided to stay and grow. She gave me a big hug and a big kiss and said Mommy I am so proud of you and happy for the baby in your belly. It just melted my heart. She is the sweetest little girl. I am so lucky to be able to help another couple to have a little person in their life that will say things like that to them.